The cure for a society starving for connection – break free from transactional chains
Somewhere along the way, we began keeping score. Who texted first. Who tried harder. Who gave more. Who made me wait for an answer. We turned connection into a balance sheet – and called it self‑respect. What if giving less isn’t always healing – but hiding? What if some of us are not exhausted or unhealthy because we give too much, but because we are slowly betraying who we are?
The Balance Sheet of Energy
Across social media and conversations worldwide, a trend has emerged: give only what you receive. Protect your energy. Match effort for effort. On the surface, this makes sense – boundaries are vital, and no one should pour endlessly into empty wells. I can understand where this is coming from: people are tired. Tired of being the connectors, the relationship builders, the ones who hold things together and put in all the effort. Everyone carries loads that feel ‘too much’ and possibly feel overwhelmed. Yet what’s the price that we as ‘self’ pay in return? When giving becomes transactional, something essential is lost. We risk reducing our humanity to balance sheets, tallying kindness like accountants of the soul.
Giving From Essence, Not Transaction
There is another way. Sometimes, we give not because it is matched, but because it is who we are. We give from identity, from essence, from the well that runs deeper than thirst. This is not about martyrdom or depletion. Neither is it downplaying your own reality. It is about authenticity. To give from your cup when it is full is wise. To give from your essence when the cup feels low is profound. It says: I am not defined by what I receive, but by who I choose to be.
“Not from the cup alone, but from the well that runs deeper than thirst.”
For office professionals, this truth is especially resonant. Their role often demands giving beyond measure – anticipating needs, offering presence, creating stability. Yet this principle applies equally to the everyday person navigating friendships, family, and community. Giving from essence is a universal act of courage.
Breadcrumbs vs. Presence
The same principle applies to communication. Too often, messages are sent as breadcrumbs: “Hope you’re having a good day.” A polite placeholder, a surface-level gesture. But true presence in communication is different. It is writing with genuine interest in the receiver. It is saying: “I’m here. For good or bad. I see you.”
Breadcrumbs feed momentary hunger. Presence nourishes connection.
For office professionals, a message of presence can transform a relationship with an executive. For the everyday person, it can transform a friendship. In both cases, the difference is felt deeply. And when communication remains shallow, it doesn’t just leave conversations thin – it sets the stage for erosion. What begins as polite distance can grow into silence, widening the gap between hearts.
When Reciprocity Ends Relationships
The danger of transactional giving is that it quietly erodes relationships. When we only give in equal measure, communication thins. Messages become routine. Emotional hunger grows in a society already starved for connection. The level against which we measure connection, lowers. The ledger of reciprocity can end friendships, silence conversations, and widen the gap between hearts. What begins as self-protection can end as isolation.
“When giving becomes a calculation, connection becomes a casualty.”
Self-Love and the True Self
Of course, self-love and self-care are essential. We cannot pour endlessly without replenishment. This is not an all-or-nothing concept – it is simply a ‘true to myself’ philosophy. Self-love is not opposed to giving – it is the foundation of it. When we connect to our true self, we discover that giving is not depletion but expression. Self-care fills the cup; essence flows from the well. Together, they create a balance where we can honor our boundaries while still offering presence, compassion, and authenticity.
Concrete practices matter here: rest that restores, reflection that clarifies, prayer that grounds, journaling that reconnects. These acts of self-love are not indulgences – they are investments. They empower us to give authentically, not out of exhaustion but out of alignment with who we are.
The Twist: Seen in the Unseen
The unseen truth is this: giving from essence and writing with presence are acts of resistance against a transactional world. They remind us that humanity is not a ledger, but a living river. Sometimes the river flows because it must, because it is its nature. And in that flow, others are carried, nourished, and reminded of their own depth. If we do not elevate our thinking AND in our behaviour we are saying yes to lower standards and transactional connections.
A Call to Action
So let us challenge the trend. Let us give not only in equal measure, but in true measure – our measure. Let us write not breadcrumbs, but lifelines. Let us be present, even when reciprocity is uncertain. Because in the end, it is not balance sheets that define us, but the unseen essence we choose to reveal.
“Give not because it is returned, but because it is who you are and wish to evolve into.”
And let us remember: we may be tired and overwhelmed, but tiredness and being overwhelmed need not turn us into keepers of ledgers. It can remind us to be keepers of connection. To elevate and be our true selves.
The quiet danger of transactional living is not that we protect ourselves – but that we slowly abandon our own depth while doing so. Giving from essence asks more of us. It asks honesty. It asks discernment. It asks courage.
And yet, it is the only kind of giving that leaves us intact.
Because when the world teaches us to calculate, choosing to remain human becomes the bravest act of all.
Reach out to me, Malikah (Joanie) on:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joanienel/
E-mail: malikahzia9@gmail.com